Sometimes I am so completely overwhelmed by the fact that i need to move and get the hell out of my house. I am sure this is a normal felling and compunction felt by most people in their lives. Unfortunately, when I feel that feeling there is nothing to be done. I walk back and forth across my dismal room over and over (when I can), I write about my days and feelings in this blog, I color, I read, I do puzzles, I play video games and a million other non-moving non-doing things, but it never quite scratches that itch.
My body is trying to tell me that it wants to move and be active, but my body is incapable of doing the things I am getting the itch to do. Mostly. I can walk, I can leave my house, but with a wheelchair in the back of the car and the certain knowledge that I will never be able to walk far enough or fast enough to cure this, what I call “squiggyness”. It’s the certain unassailable need to move move move!
Today is one of those days. My back is so inflamed I have had to use pain meds, holistic meds, heating pads, tens machine, etc. This means my body is in no way up to running about like a child – but my mind is telling me that I have to.
As of yet I haven’t found a cure for the squiggyness except to take Xanax and try to work through the feeling via writing or any of the other methods and things I described above. I don’t know how much longer I can take the feeling – it is slowly maddening me.
Some days I feel like there are butterflies squirming around in my limbs. It is not a pleasant feeling. It is the closest thing I can use to explain the feeling. It is almost like falling in slow motion while never moving. I can’t stand it. I don’t know how to get this feeling out of my head and body. If anyone knows of a cure – please let me in on it, as I feel like I am slowly going insane.